Crazy Weather, Crazy Kids, Crazy Days!

It's been crazy around here! The weather has been crazy warm, and perhaps this is the cause for all the craziness lately. But whatever the cause, something has led us through two crazy adventures yesterday and today.

Yesterday, after the school work was finished, the kids talked me into a trip to Valley Forge. Ok. This would be another "first" without Todd, but I allowed myself to be pushed into the attempt, and off we went. I got lost. I've been to Valley Forge many times in the past, but for some reason (the crazy weather?) I couldn't think where we were and ended up taking an hour and 15 minutes to get to a place that is only 20 minutes away. Fine. At least we made it, right? Well, Toby was afraid to go near any huts or cannons, saying she was scared of the "soldwers." After finally convincing her there were no soldiers anymore, we finally got her to go into George Washington's headquarters. Guess what? That's right, as I slowly opened the creaking door for her (it was like a scary movie or something), we heard a voice in the dark saying, "Hello," and our eyes quickly adjusted to focus on a Revolutionary soldier sitting inside! I knew it was a volunteer dressed in an authentic uniform, however it was not easy to explain that to the Tobster who was clutching my leg and thankfully too panicked to cry, scream, or even mutter a word.
By the time we were heading back to the van, Toby got her voice back and said, "I saw a soldwer. I don't like him." As we drove on through the park, the older kids alerted me to a park ranger who seemed to them to be following us. I ignored them, but it was getting suspicious when the ranger was at the next stop. The kids kept saying he was after us, but I kept ignoring them. Why would he be? Then I saw the flashing lights. Then a short siren. The kids said, "Mom, stop! He wants you to stop." I ignored them. Besides, there was no place to stop on a narrow one-way path, so I drove to the next stop, with the ranger's flashing lights behind me. He followed me in and asked me for my license and registration. A park ranger? I thought only the police could do that. I started getting my license and asked him what was going on, when he told me that we were not allowed to drive around the park with the van side door open. I tried to argue that it was a park, that the other rangers told us it was ok, that the kids were all buckled, (I should have added about the crazy weather) but he walked away with my license and registration. He didn't care. The kids seemed to think this was the greatest thing in the world. They seemed excited about the fact that their mother was pulled over by a park ranger with his lights and siren. I wasn't excited nor entertained. I was frustrated. We went home.

Today I had to see my counselor in the morning, then go to work. I made the mistake of telling my therapist that the kids wanted to go to the zoo today, but that I had to work. She said, off the record of course, "Call work and take the kids to the zoo. It will be good for you." I didn't want to go to work. I didn't want to go to the zoo either. Work or Zoo? I called work and told my boss that I was taking the kids to the zoo on "doctor's orders." He didn't seem amused. We went to the zoo, and I skipped work.

OK, so here's what's bothering me. As I was talking to my boss, he said that I shouldn't skip my responsibilities for "momma bear activities," and reminded me how important it was to show the children dedication to a job. I paused, then I told him, "But that's Todd's job, that's his responsibility, that's his example. I'm the Mom, and I am going to put my kids first on this one." He let me go, but not willingly and not happily. How does one be both Dad and Mom? I haven't gotten that one figured out, but you know what? I'm glad I went to the zoo. I'll go to work on Thursday, when the weather is back to normal. I don't like the balancing act. I don't like work, or should I say I don't like going to work. Whatever, I don't like it. I don't like a lot of things, but this is where God put me, so I suppose I must "keep inching forward" (why does that sound familiar? ...oh, John again...thank you).

Everything still feels so unstable and scary out there without Todd with us. It's hard to keep taking steps. I took a few these last crazy days, but I'm not even sure if they were the right ones. Life is confusing. Life seems to have lost its fun. Life is lonely.

How thankful I am for a God who still cares. I know He must. So, in and through His grace, I'll continue on, looking for that glorious appearing of Jesus one day hopefully soon. Oh, I pray He comes tonight!