Thursday, May 22, 2014


Ever think about the storms that we encounter?  Physical, spiritual, or emotional, storms are often a part of our human experience.  Today where we live there were physical thunderstorms, with the possibility of causing severe damage.  There were reported hailstones and gusty winds, with the possibility of tornadoes in some areas.  I don't know about you, but when I hear of the possibility of dangerous storms and the damage they can do, I tend to get a little concerned.  Most of us take precautions.  The "weather alerts" and watches and warnings, help us to know what some of those precautions should be:  go inside, stay away from windows, have batteries and flashlights ready in case of power outages, and on and on the list can go.

Today in the area where we live, we were spared the possible damages the storms could have caused.  However, we still needed to be and were prepared for the worst.  The opposite has occurred here as well.  Sometimes, no matter how well we are prepared, storms still cause damage, and sometimes very major damage.  It is totally out of control.  Out of our control, anyway.

Then I thought of the storms we face in life that are more spiritual or emotional. God's Word gives us the precautionary measures to take to prepare for such storms, and the Bible is filled with warnings of guaranteed "storms" that will come upon us.  It is wise to heed to these warnings and to be prepared for the storms, however, remember we have no control over them.  Thankfully we know that our Heavenly Father does have control and knows exactly which storms will cause damage and which ones will pass over with minimal damage.

But there are some storms that enter our lives that we could never be fully prepared for, and the damage can be devastating.  I don't think there is a more devastating "storm" that can enter a person's life than the loss of a loved one.  These storms pull your roots out of the ground.  They flip you over and over and cause confusion and loss of focus.  The "strikes of lightening" can be more painful than anyone could ever imagine.  The "sounds of thunder" can be deafening and knock you off your feet.  And your home....can be destroyed.  Completely.  These storms can also isolate you from others, making you feel abandoned and alone.  Others around you may not have been effected at all by your storm, and many times this can cause hurtful comments..."It's not that bad."  "You can fix all the damage or buy new things."  "You're just too sensitive."  ...and on and on the comments come. 

Thankfully we have a caring, loving, sustaining, understanding, and comforting Heavenly Father we can run to and hide in his Arms.  He is our shelter from the storms of life.  He is our Safety and our Rock.  Praise Him!

 "The Lord's our Rock, in Him we hide,
A Shelter in the time of storm;
Secure whatever ill betide,
A Shelter in the time of storm."

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Nine Years of Lessons...and still learning!

Well today marks 9 years.  It's still hard to imagine.  Nine years!  Nine years since my world turned upside down.  Nine years since I've spoken to Todd.  Nine years since I held his hand.  Nine years since I've heard his voice.  Nine years since I've felt his touch,  Nine years.

Even with all that time, not one day has passed where we haven't thought about Todd/Daddy.  His presence is everywhere in this house...still.  Pictures on the walls, lots of great memories to share, and of course, he's in our children.  Mannerisms, physical features, habits--they're all present here in the kids.  Sometimes I hear his voice or his laughter.  It seems to be echoing still in this house.  Nine years.

Nine years of lessons being learned, and we're still learning.  Our Heavenly Father is still working in my life and in the lives of our children.  We're learning how faithful He is.  How good He is.  How much He loves us.  Amazing love, that will one day reunite us all.

I'm tired and hurting, so I have to stop writing for now.  There is so much more to share.  I'm exhausted and all I want to do is go to bed and cry.  God is good.  For nine years God is good.

Miss this guy so very much.

Monday, March 17, 2014

Todd's Funeral

When first asked if I wanted to record the funeral service, it felt a little weird and uncomfortable.  After I was told that the children were so young and that it would be good for them to see it again when they were better able to understand, I agreed to have the service videoed. 

For nearly five years I never wanted to go near that tape.  I couldn't bear even seeing the label, "Todd's Funeral."  Then, over the years, I began to attempt to watch it.  I never made it all the way through.  Never was able to watch the entire video in one sitting.  I was always overcome with emotion.

Well, last week, almost nine years later, I succeeded in watching the entire thing all at once!  ouch.  It was hard.  It was painful.  Yet, as the message was spoken, there were some incredibly encouraging things that were said!  I felt comfort.  I felt such thankfulness for having made the decision to video the service.  Much of it was difficult, but the message, the words from God's Word, were soothing.  So, this week I decided to begin a project.  I wanted to take excerpts from that message and share them with others to help them and to comfort them.  So far I have only been able to take the message and divide it in two parts.  I thought I would share them on my blog, here, first.  Please, be comforted, strengthened in our Heavenly Father's love, and encouraged! 




Thursday, February 27, 2014

26th Wedding Anniversary: Definitely more than I can bear.

I have often told people who were going through difficult situations that they must be strong, because God said He wouldn't give us more than we could bear, but they were going through incredible difficulties.  When people have said those same words to me, I always responded, either mentally or sometimes with spoken words, I am not strong.  I can't do this.  God DID give me more than I could bear.  Then the questions came about what God promised. 

What did He promise us?  Thankfully this week one of my children came back from a meeting at church where one of their peers made this statement:  God promised He would always give us an escape from TEMPTATIONS, that He would never put us in a situation where we would have no choice but to sin.  He has always told us that we would not be tempted beyond what we could bear.

...AND THERE IT WAS!!!  God NEVER PROMISED US THAT HE WOULD NOT GIVE US MORE THAN WE COULD BEAR IN BURDENS OR DIFFICULTIES!!!!  He wants us to see that we cannot do it alone.  There is no way.  Only He can get us through difficult times....NOT by anything we do or with our own strength!

This has given me such peace.  Let me explain.  Now when I said, fearing that I was saying things against God, how I could not go through this and that God gave me more than I could handle, I finally realize that is exactly what God says as well!  He wants us to come to Him, needing Him, with nothing of our own strength or ability.

So that's where I am today.  It's February 27th....26th wedding anniversary.  I miss Todd more than I could say.  I cannot go on another day without his presence.  I just can't.  I'm done.  It all hurts so much.  So I go to my Heavenly Father.  HE ALONE will get me through this day and the ones to follow.  Leaning heavy on Him today...    I miss you, Todd!  Love you still with all my heart.  I'd do anything to see you and hold you and hear you today.  Hard to believe this is the ninth anniversary without you.  We were supposed to grow old together.  So sad today, but resting in my Father's Faithful and Loving Arms, knowing this is definitely more than I can bear.

Monday, January 6, 2014

Everyone Home for the Holidays? ...not quite.

You know that warm feeling you get when everyone in your family is home?  Whether it's a snow storm, hurricane warning, or even when college kids are home from college for a holiday?  Well, when you have a lost a loved one, you never quite get that feeling again.  There's always one (or 2 or more) who is missing. 

Yes, it was great to have all our children home over the holidays.  But Todd wasn't here.  The difficult reality:  He will never be home here on this earth again.  Ever. 

Holidays seem to be a harsh reminder to this reality. 

It's true I am blessed beyond imagination with six great children, all who I am sure make their Daddy proud.  It's true our Heavenly Father has taken great care of us.  It's true there is much to be thankful for. 

Yet none of these truths change the reality and that awful feeling, especially around the holidays, when you are missing someone who now resides in heaven. 

I love you Todd!  Missing you this holiday season and always.  Until we meet again...