Summer's Gone.....Fall is Upon Us!

I can't believe a whole summer has gone by since I've written on my blog. I apologize, but it's been a long, difficult summer. It began when my parents came up early to say goodbye to their closest friend, Ruth Allen, who was like a second mother to me. She had suffered for 2 years in and out of hospitals and care units, struggling with pain and discomfort, and the pain of being separated from family, children, grandchildren, and friends. Mr. Allen never left her side. He visited her every day, and nothing could stop him, including his own pain he was enduring. I tried to visit as much as possible, but it hurt. Memories came flooding back. The day after my last visit with Mrs. Allen, she went to be with her Savior and Lord. The family had left to make funeral arrangements, and it was almost like she waited until she was alone. Less than two weeks later, after missing his wife's own funeral because he was in the hospital, Mr. Allen went to be with his Savior and Lord. Gone. Just like that. I miss them both dearly.


It wasn't too much longer after that, that my brother's girlfriend's mother took a turn for the worse in her battle with cancer. I tried to help my taking her up as much as I could to see her Mom in a hospice out of state. Again, lots of memories and very difficult for me. I cried myself to sleep most nights.

Then on the way to church one night, we saw a horrible motorcycle accident. When I got to church, my brother texted me this: "That motorcycle accident was Tommy. He died." ????? WHAT??? My cousin, Tommy Mills, Jr. had been trying to help a fellow biker, and they got too close, the accident occurred, and he died. I still can't believe this one. It's too crazy. He was a good cousin. His Dad, Uncle Tom, was and is the coolest uncle I have. I love Uncle Tom, and he had just lost his wife, Aunt Phylis a couple years before. Just so unbelievable.


The day of Tommy's funeral, my brother's gf got a call that her Mother had taken a turn for the worse and wasn't going to be living very long. My brother stayed at the funeral and I drove his gf to see her mom. It was heart-wrenching. She kept fighting for every breath, and then finally Dan's gf told me she couldn't stay anymore (we had been there all day), and that she wanted to go home. So we did. As soon as we pulled in the driveway, her cell phone rang, and we found out her mom had just passed away.

That's a lot of people to lose in one summer. That's also a lot of memories. The toughest memory this summer was when I was sitting with a dear friend's family waiting to hear the result of a surgery that was meant to remove a large tumor in her abdomen. That was a long day. The result? cancer. I could barely breathe. I had had enough, and still have difficulty thinking and even praying for her, because it hurts so very much to see a friend who is like family suffering like she is, like Todd did.

However, Father has been good. He's been so faithful. He's the only reason to keep moving forward, so I will. Each day seems to bring some new challenge, heartache, or surprise for us, but knowing Father knows it all helps us to keep going!

No Greater Love Ocean.avi

The Passion of the Christ

Last night the older kids and I watched this movie for the first time. I wasn't sure what to expect. I had heard so many conflicting viewpoints about this movie, but after participating in a Bible Study called, The Cross from Setting Captives Free, I wanted to see for myself. I prayed much before viewing it.
I went to bed feeling totally overwhelmed with Christ's love for me. I was drawn to the character Mary in the movie, how much she loved her son, but yet how she "got it." She was so thankful to Him, but hurt so much for Him. I also was struck with how gentle, tender, selfless, and loving Jesus was to all those who hated Him. The actor's eyes helped me to realize that Jesus truly felt badly for those who rejected Him, for those who whipped Him unmercifully, for those who drove the nails into His hands....He truly LOVED them!
And then to realize that is how Jesus loves me, then as He hung on the cross, and now as He watches and cares and prays for me in heaven. He sees my tears and knows my pain. He understands like no one else ever could. And even more exciting, He arose so that one day I can see Him face to face! And if that isn't enough, I know because of all of this, His suffering, death, and resurrection, that I will one day see Todd again as well.
What more can I say? Happy Easter everyone! Be blessed and feel God's love for YOU this Easter and all year long!

New Stove!

Yesterday we got a new stove! Earlier in the week while I was heating the oven, Winter and I heard a strange noise, and Winter pointed to the oven that was suddenly in flames. Of course, being the calm one in the family, I screamed for help and panicked! I did what any sane person would do and opened the oven door. Ok, maybe insane. More flames! After slamming the door and Tiff coming with a fire extinguisher, I managed to turn the oven off. It eventually smothered itself and went out.

One of the first things Todd promised me when we moved here was to get a new stove, because one of the burners was not working. I hated that, but soon learned how to cook with only two burners! After the fire when my oldest son came home, he insisted on us buying a new one, like the closest store was giving them away at 100% off or something. UGH.

When my other son came home, he unplugged the oven for me and stopped the power from the circuit box to that outlet. I felt better. I was scared of the thing! It was like it was possessed or something. Every time I went into the kitchen, it would stare at me. I was waiting for more flames to appear at any moment, but none came.

After the second night of cold cereal for dinner, my oldest son insisted on purchasing a new stove for us. He said he had money saved. So we went to look for a stove...three "children" and myself. All I could think about was what would Todd want. What would he pick out? What color would he want? So I let the kids pick it out. They did well. I LOVE my new, black oven!

Last night I cooked a big meal and we were privileged to have guests join us! Tonight I cooked again! Two nights in a row! I can't believe I'm writing this, but it was actually fun. My heart aches without Todd here to enjoy our new stove, and oh how I wish the meals I am cooking would be eaten and praised by him, but I am rejoicing in our new purchase, thanking Father for His goodness, and for my wonderful son!

February 27, 2011: My 23rd Anniversary

23rd Wedding Anniversary

Tomorrow, February 27th, will be my 23rd Wedding Anniversary. I sure miss Todd. Really wish we would be going out to dinner tomorrow night. Someday, I'll see him again, and I'm so thankful to Father that we will be spending eternity together, with Jesus! Yes!

What happened to January?

OK, so January is past and February is almost past. Where have I been? you may ask, but probably not...but I'm going to answer that question anyway...it's been an interesting few weeks with driving lessons (first "accident" occurred last week, and now the garage door is badly dented...oh well, better a dented door than a dented other car or truck, right?), puppy fun (so much fun cleaning up pee everywhere and shoveling poop off the deck), watching my three year old nephew while he's being potty trained, school work deadlines, Winter's rock climbing birthday party, breaking my tailbone while sledding (kids said I got air! It was almost worth it!), Valentine's Day with no valentine, cleaning out cabinets, and two crazy brothers who act more like two more children sometimes! wow. Nice to get that all out.

So tomorrow is President's Day. Kids are off school, Abe is off work, and I agreed to watch two boys tomorrow....we will have a full house! I'm praying we can go to the zoo, but the forecast is rain, ice pellets, and snow. Not good for a zoo trip, but I have a feeling I will make it happen just to get out of the house with all the children that will be running around here. Better put them in the zoo, I mean visit the zoo, then here, right? We shall see...

Alright, this is a short one, because my tailbone is still healing and, well, you can imagine the pain after sitting for more than a few minutes. And if you can't imagine the pain, then imagine flying down a hill on the ice, sitting on a plastic sled, hitting a jump, floating for a moment in the air, then crashing butt first onto an icy rock (or something), rolling around in the icy snow trying to stand up before the kids see you, and standing there for a moment in shock while five little faces look concerned for only a second then burst into laughter. Yes. Good times, but I need to sign off now because I can no longer sit. :)

One last post for 2010!

I had to write tonight, because it will be the last one for 2010! Do you believe it? Another whole year has gone by, and now we are headed into a brand new year. New Year's Eve celebrations were always so much fun with Todd. Tonight seems quiet. However, I am so thankful for my kiddos...they make me smile and Nathan now reminds me so much of Todd in his looks and mannerisms, that it is scary sometimes! I love them all with all my heart and can't even imagine life without them.

Trina (18) and Tiffany (16) both got their driving permits yesterday. I am trying to be patient and calm, but it must be the ice and snow on the roads that is making me want to scream, cry, freak out, lose control, and slam on the brake! It's not really that bad...Tiff barely missing a mailbox, Trina nearly side-swiping the guard rail and driving through low tree branches (I hate that sound, btw, it reminds me of finger nails on a chalk board!). Today Tiffany took out a cone while trying to parallel park. That was fun. If I make it through without a heart attack or nervous breakdown, I want someone to throw a party for me. A BIG party!

Speaking of a party...Tiffany turned 16 this week. Thus, the learner's permit that I'm questioning already. Just kidding, I'm sure she'll do fine. I'd much rather have Todd teaching these girls, you know? Anyway...


We are all totally enjoying our new puppy, Nader. He is so much fun to watch. He's not so much fun when he pees and poops on the carpets, though. I think I'm the only one who knows how to clean that kind of stuff up! But we all love watching him pounce on his toys and growl at Rocky, who is five times his size, with the confidence that he can actually cause fear in our faithful, old puppy! Rocky just shows his teeth and gives a growl, and Nader usually takes one final pounce at him before deciding to leave him alone.
Here's Grenade and Eban after a fun afternoon of sledding together.

I'm truly praying that this will be a HAPPY New Year for our family, and for all of our friends and relatives. This was our 5th Christmas without Todd, and he would have turned 50! It was a tough time the last several weeks, but God has given strength for each day, and has given us that hope of His return at any moment! I'm resting in these precious verses from John 14 tonight: “Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going.” This was from the NIV. I am holding tight to these words tonight and want to wish you all a very Happy New Year!

A New Puppy!

Introducing......(drum roll, please).....GRENADE! Or Nader for short. We picked out our new puppy tonight. All 10 of us! My brother and parents joined the seven of us in all the excitement of picking out a puppy. We had a choice of four puppies that still were not picked. The entire litter was adorable,


but we all think Nader was the cutest (formerly known as "Punchy" from the original owners).



Toby loved holding the puppies. We couldn't believe how soft they were. And how tiny they are! They are 5 weeks old today, so we will be able to bring Nader home on the 20th of December, just in time for Christmas!


(Grenade is the one who found the most comfy pillows...blue collar in the middle)

I have to say, even with all the excitement and happiness, I wished Todd was with us, and I was wondering what he was thinking as he watched us picking out Grenade. I'm pretty sure he agreed with our choice. Grenade/Punchy was named after a special Uncle, so he's a special puppy already. I think he was their favorite, too. It will be hard for them when all the puppies get picked up, but I know they will especially miss their Punchy, our Grenade.

Thank you, Heavenly Father, for this special gift at Christmas!

I know you are smiling at how cute he is! Aren't you? Admit it! :)

Toby's Pneumonia

The last couple of weeks have been crazy around here. Then again, with six kids, life is crazy all the time around here! There's always something happening and by the end of the day I wonder how in the world I could possibly raise six children without Todd. That's easy, because looking back over the past 5 1/2 yrs, it's been miracle after miracle for us....whether financially, sickness, accidents, house woes, or life and death! God has been our only strength! But that doesn't mean I don't still miss our earthly leader and provider, my greatest love, Todd.

So we've been going to soccer every Sat for the past months, and the last game for the season is tomorrow. The last several weeks have been COLD, with wind blowing across the fields and making your bones ache. Toby has insisted that she wear only her short-sleeved uniform, despite my pleadings for a jacket or coat. "But Mom, they can't see my shirt and number if I wear a coat." I tried something underneath (like the other girls), but still, "It makes me too hot. I'm fine." Toby's older sister has always been like that. Never liked coats and rarely is seen in one, so I figured she was like her sister.

Then the cough started. Then the sore throat. Then the headache. Then the fever. The fever spiked to 105.4 last Saturday, and I noticed she was breathing funny. She was breathing a lot like her older sister used to do when she struggled to breathe, nearly every night. I asked Toby if she was having trouble breathing..."sort of" was all I needed to take her to the ER. They took her right back, despite a waiting room half-filled, with even children who were bleeding! This made me even more nervous, and the nurses seemed to swarm her, taking vitals and asking questions. I don't like hospitals. I don't like ERs. I don't like the ER we took Toby to. It was the same one Todd went to where we heard that word "cancer." The memories just kept flooding back. It was like it all happened yesterday, but yet I had to focus on Toby and the NOW. After 5 hours of ER time, medications and X-rays, we took her home with a ton of instructions. We have to go back to her pediatrician next week again for another follow-up visit and possible X-ray. My seven year old has pneumonia!

I feel horrible about this. I feel like I let it happen. It's a mom's job, isn't it?, to keep their little ones healthy? I'm thankful she is doing MUCH better, no fever, breathing fine, with just a cough left.

So how does a single Mom of six children get everything right? I guess they don't.

So thankful for my heavenly Father. What would I ever do without Him?

I have come to love these verses from Psalm 116:

I love the Lord, because he hath heard my voice and my supplications. Because he hath inclined his ear unto me, therefore will I call upon him as long as I live. The sorrows of death compassed me, and the pains of hell gat hold upon me: I found trouble and sorrow. Then called I upon the name of the Lord; O Lord, I beseech thee, deliver my soul. Gracious is the Lord, and righteous; yea, our God is merciful.6 The Lord preserveth the simple: I was brought low, and he helped me. Return unto thy rest, O my soul; for the Lord hath dealt bountifully with thee. For thou hast delivered my soul from death, mine eyes from tears, and my feet from falling. I will walk before the Lord in the land of the living.