Friday, December 25, 2009

Happy Birthday Jesus! Happy Birthday Daddy!

MERRY CHRISTMAS from the Radles.

(it's not easy to get six kids and a dog to cooperate for a picture...this is the best as it gets)

Monday, December 21, 2009

Parents are Coming! Parents are Coming!

Have to go to the airport and pick up some V.I.P.'s: My parents!

I feel like a little kid again. It all floods back. Suddenly I feel like Dad's in control again. I love my parents. Yet without Todd, well, I feel like a teenager again. Sometimes it's a good feeling; sometimes very bad. I hope it's a good feeling for this trip north for Christmas. Here we go... Countdown to leaving for airport for parents has begun!

Thursday, December 17, 2009

First heard "cancer" for Todd's pain

Five years ago tonight. I had written this to a friend in an email:

Todd's in the hospital. They admitted him this evening after he came home from work in terrible pain and unable to stand up straight. All the dr said to me was that they do not suspect a stone, but the right kidney was significantly swollen. One nurse told Todd it was a blood clot, the dr told him he thought it was cancer. They're running more tests tomorrow am. I'm scared. Thanks for the prayers, Wendy

It still doesn't seem real. Other people get cancer. It never happens to you or your husband. Weird. I can still remember us denying it that evening and for weeks afterwards. Couldn't be cancer. Just couldn't be...

Friday, December 11, 2009

The Blessings of Being Sick!

Christmas brings with it many, many, many tasks. At times it can be overwhelming. With six children and painful memories, I found myself having difficulty just knowing what to do next. Everything hurt: the memories, the tasks, being alone, responsibilities mounting, seems endless. Then suddenly everything stops. I got sick. Not sick, sick, just sick. Unable to move, sick. I soon found it to be a, really!

There was another time during this journey that I remember being thankful for being sick (that was nearly 2 years ago). Moms don't get sick. Everyone knows that. And if we ever do get sick, our husbands, the other parent, the other guardian, the "go-to guy" as it were, steps in and nothing ever skips a beat. At least that's how it used to work with us. But since Todd is no longer with us, I've come to realize that God gives incredible stamina to me now. I rarely get sick. Even when all the children get something, God seems to allow me to stay healthy. He is clearly my strength and my stronghold!

So at the end of last week I got sick again (that's only been the second time in nearly 5 years that I can remember). When I say sick, I mean sick as in can't move, can't think, complete body shut-down. It's scary to know you have six children to be responsible for, but all you can do is listen to "buzz," see figures in a distant daze, and know you are helpless to help them.

While in this state, this past weekend, while in bed, I begged God to help me. He kept saying, "Be still." I needed to get things done. God said, "Be still." I couldn't lift my head off the pillow. God said, you got it, "Be still." So I was still. I was still for a very long time.

As my head began to clear, I was able to utter some short prayers. Gradually I was able to think of verses and parts of verses. Then little voices became more clear. I know, it's unreal. It was like I was in a dream, living it, but so hazy and foggy. Very weird, but true! Finally I was able to stop being still! God allowed me strength and wisdom to move and think again, and it didn't hurt as badly to do so! I still feel wobbly as I write this, still miss Todd and cry at the memories and not having him here, but stronger and truly amazed at the blessings in being sick! God is so good. He knows when I need to be still. He provides comfort and rest, and I am so thankful for the blessings of being sick. One step at a time... or now it's back to one baby step at a time...