I was sick over the weekend; however, my illness was truly a blessing. I know many of you probably think I'm losing my mind, and this post surely will not help you to think otherwise, but I have to share this experience anyway.
Last week was a difficult week. I struggled day and night with both sweet memories of Todd and heart-breaking dreams that will never be. I longed to be with him again, to be celebrating those 20 years together as a married couple. I cried, sobbed, and ached for my love. Friday everything seemed to come to the surface, and I looked at what was before me in defeat. There was no way I could get through that day. I just couldn't go any further. I needed Todd.
A good friend called (after a desperate email from me titled, "I can't") and reminded me that I needed God. She reminded me to just look at the next task ahead of me, not the whole day. She reminded me to break the day down into "do-able" steps, taking the day a step at a time. Then she prayed with me over the phone.
I took the next step, then the next, then the next... By God's strength and grace, I got through the day! Friday night I began to feel sick. I felt weak, headache, stomach ache...
I slept through most of Saturday and Sunday. Sunday morning the older children helped get the younger ones ready for church, and the boys drove the gang to church. It was the first time I was alone in the house since Todd used to take all the kids out for me, at least once a week, to give me a break. Sometimes I would go with them, but Todd could tell when I needed to stay home alone, and made sure I had my rest. I didn't realize how much I missed those few hours alone. I missed my kids, prayed for them as they were traveling, but then slept for 3 hours straight!
Today, although still feeling weak and tired, I am rejoicing for being sick this weekend. Really. I thank God for that time. He knew I needed it and provided rest for me. I'm ready to go back to work tomorrow. Still taking one step at a time, I feel rested and ready to get back to doing whatever it is God has for me. He is so good. Oh, and today is the third day in a row that I have not wept in agony over missing my dear Todd. After seven plus days in a row of weeping, that is huge! Praise God for His loving care and tender mercies for me!
2 comments:
A lovely post. God sure knows how to bring the right people with the right help at the right time (when we need it most!). You're doing great, Wendy. ((hugs))
I sometimes enjoy being sick for the same reason... Well, everything except the having 6 kids part. :)
But I do understand why you were thankful for the rest and such!
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