Sunday, August 16, 2009

A Smile Through Tears!

Something strange happened to me in church tonight. I can't ever remember this feeling before. It was a mixture of great sadness, but incredible joy. ??? That's what I think, anyway.

Our missions team was giving a report and some of them began singing "I've Got A Mansion." Immediately when I heard the introduction, before the words were even sung, a sharp pain shot through my very being. I tried to look up and watch, but knew the tears would be flowing soon. Todd sang this song around the house all the time. I mean, he shouted it! It was one of his favorites, and he sang it with all his heart. Whenever he could, he would pick this song to lead the congregation at our church. Everyone knew it was dear to him...he would be smiling and singing, almost shouting, the words. Sometimes even he would get teary eyed as he sang the words, "I've got a mansion, just over the hilltop..."

So as the group began to sing, I got ready for tears and a tremendous ache in missing Todd yet again, for this has happened many times in the past four years. But tonight, as I closed my eyes and the tears came, I could picture Todd standing up there, smiling, and singing this song with them, and out of nowhere, out of the depths of the pain, came a smile! I smiled at the memory! Strange as it may sound, I felt a joy I can't express, despite the ache in my heart. They were together this time. Side by side. Pain and joy. How does God do that? Amazing.

I'm truly thankful for the tears and the smile tonight; it was a great feeling! I pray many more would come...

Saturday, August 15, 2009


Got this in an email. Amazing. Love it. Hope you will watch and worship...


Saturday, August 1, 2009

sometimes memories still hurt

Some things can still catch me off-guard, and unexpected tears just seem to come from nowhere. Winter hurt her finger last week, and the doctor taped it in order to keep it protected and immobilized. He said she should have it taped for a week or two, and that if it came off, to just put more on, and he showed me how. As usual all I heard was "bum, bum, bum-bum-bum..." so when it came loose today, I was lost. Fortunately Winter said she remembered how to "buddy tape" as the doctor termed it. Thing is, I didn't have any of that kind of medical tape....or did I?

Trina and Nathan remembered "Dad's tape." We still had a box of medical supplies that NIH told us we could keep. Nice stuff...actually the best of the best coming from NIH! So, we're using "Dad's tape" tonight. It brings it all to the present again, so fresh, like it was yesterday when we were using those supplies.

I miss him. Hurting again, missing my love...