Minutes build into hours, hours into days, and here we are another month further along in this journey. Looking back, it's easy to see how God has given strength and direction in our lives without Todd here, yet I honestly thought this journey would be easier the further we were into it. It's not. Each day, each month, seems to bring new challenges and the same deep, aching pain in missing someone who was such a huge part of our lives.
Today was strange. We had several good days strung together last week, which included times of laughter, times of great blesssing, and times of victory. But today things seemed to grind to a halt. I couldn't get up for church, but the children literally pushed me out of bed, and we made it to all the services. My mind wandered, however, and I didn't hear much, nor did I feel "connected" today with our church family. I answered "fine" when asked how I was doing. At home I kept forgetting things. I cried in the evening service at church, not from what was sung or said, but just because I suddenly missed Todd. I wonder how long this will hurt. I wonder how long the tears will suddenly pour down my cheeks at times when I least expect them to. I wonder how long this journey will last. I wonder when Jesus will come back and end all of this? I wonder...
I wonder about a lot of things, but I must remember to keep my eyes, my heart, and my thoughts on the truth of God's Word and on His promises. Here is where my strength lies...in God. Thank you, God, for your faithfulness, your love, your mercy, and your grace. God is good.
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