A comment was made, "I am ever thankful for your strength (though you don't think you are), your courage (though you wonder if you have any), and your trust in the Father (though you may wonder about that, too). Your faith is amazing." This was from Mel's Mom, who is the Mom to an incredible young lady named Mel, whose inspirational story has encouraged me and uplifted me...check out her blog for a real blessing!
Anyway, this comment reminded me of similar words spoken from a dear lady who recently started coming to our church. She said, "Wendy, I really admire you. Every time I see you here at church with all your kids, well, I just think you are doing so well and are so strong." I looked at her and as my eyes filled up with tears, I whispered to her, "Do you want to know the truth?" She just stared at me. "The truth is, I am falling apart inside. I am empty and lonely, and if it weren't for the fact that my children are all watching me right now, I would probably be screaming in pain, because I hurt in places I didn't know I could hurt." The lady stared wide-eyed and then began to cry. So I quickly added, "Anything good that you can see in me, any strength, anything at all positive, is God. It's not me. It's God. He is what is holding me together." The lady asked me for a hug. She thanked me over and over. I'm not sure what the thanks was for. Perhaps my honesty? But what I do know, and what I want all to know, is that any "outward appearance" that is good at all, is God. Because right now, I am a total mess. I am nothing. I have nothing to offer anyone but tears and heartache.
God is good. He is my strength. He is my courage. He is trustworthy and faithful; I only wish I could be trusting and faithful in return to Him. Outward appearances can be deceiving folks! But God sees all and knows all. Thank you, God, for your goodness, strength, faithfulness, and LOVE.
2 comments:
Wendy,
It is so true that outward appearances can be deceiving. We put a smile on our face and the world thinks all is well, but often the opposite is true. I know you are hurting in ways that I may never know, but you continue on and are honest about how you really feel. Your honesty in and of itself is a blessing and encouragement to me. You are a living testiment to "His strength is made perfect in weakness!" Continue to draw from His strength and let Him live through you.
It is so easy to appear to be living the Christian life...I can be such a good faker! I am learning that I need to let Him live through me, all the time, so that He gets the glory and I can face the trials of life without falling apart.
Still praying for and grieving with you, dear Sister!
Love in Him,
Beth
Aaah-The fact you even have a "strong" outward appearance speaks of strength. The fact you care about what your children think of you, the fact you take them to church (even if you FAKE a smile) says more than words ever could. Hot showers where you fall apart and quiet times of pouring out your heart to God are not taken lightly. He speaks specifically of the widow and fatherless and YOU have a special place in His heart.
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