I can't tell if time is going by quickly or if it is going in slow motion. I can't believe it's been 31 months since Todd went to heaven, yet it feels like yesterday when we went to get our Christmas tree together for the last time, now 3 years ago. wow.
The kids decorated the house when I was at work today. I came home to Christmas! The girls did a great job inside, and the boys decorated the outside of our home just as Todd always had...with candles in each window surrounded by garland and bows. It was beautiful. I cried. I cried because they did a great job, and I cried because I was so happy I didn't have to do it. But I cried mostly because I miss Todd. Christmas without him doesn't feel right. A big piece is missing. The space left seems to be getting bigger. No one's singing goofy Christmas songs in the shower. No one is hinting how good my chocolate chip cookies are and saying how they can almost taste them. No one is eating all the hidden candy for the stockings. No one is asking where I hid their Christmas gift and promising they will act surprised when they open it Christmas morning. No one is buying me something special and telling the kids to keep it a secret. No one is betting with me which one of the kids will be up first and how early on Christmas day. No one is playing the Elvis Christmas music (thank the Lord!).
I just don't get how I can live in a house with six children and feel so incredibly lonely. I miss my "no one."
3 comments:
((HUGS)) for Wendy... Strange how trying to balance "normalness" for the kids and the desire to make the holiday disappear are a tough balancing act. What's tough is the whole "he's spending Christmas with Jesus" mentality when you are here...now...without that. Just know I am so sorry for your pain, will continue to pray for you and your family, and-even though we don't get it-God does understand
Wendy,
Wish I was there to give you a giant hug and cry along with you! I can't imagine how lonely you must feel, but please know that you are not alone. I'm sure you know that God is always with you as are the prayers of many of us. I'll be praying that you can "feel" the prayers of those who love you.
Hey, I also like Breath of Heaven! It is such an incredible song. I was checking out your favorite websites and noticed John and Michelle Cremeans on your list. Do you attend their church? What a sweet family! I got to know Michelle through a homeschool group and truly miss not seeing her smiling face on a weekly basis. Tell her I said hello when you see her again.
God bless, keep and comfort you today and in the difficult days ahead. May you feel His presence more and more with each passing day.
Love in Him,
Beth Fisher
Hey, Beth. Thank you so very, very much for those prayers! I can't express how much that means. God is good. God is able.
No, we don't attend Fellowship Church. I knew John from high school days, and our parents were close friends. I actually never met Michelle! I hope to one day...she sounds like a real blessing.
Thanks again for your comments and prayers. It is much appreciated. Wendy
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