I recently came across a blogger's story (not even sure how I happened to find it) and soon found myself captivated. Today her fiance was supposed to come home with his unit from the war. She was supposed to greet him with hugs and tears. They were supposed to get married and have a wonderful life together. I cried a lot today, praying for her, thinking of her, begging God for His grace to envelope her today.
Then my heart turned to our "supposed to be's." Todd was supposed to be here when our oldest turned sixteen. He was supposed to see him graduate from high school. He was supposed to sing with us at the birthday parties for our children. He was supposed to help comfort and calm us in the face of sickness and injuries. He was supposed to grow old with me. He was supposed to be helping raise these children! I could fill countless pages with all the supposed to's. It doesn't help fill the void; it only makes it greater.
I realized today that our "supposed to be's" are the dreams, the hopes, the wishes of our futures. It's wonderful when our dreams and hopes become reality, but what about the "supposed to be's?" or the dreams and hopes that never become a reality? People say that's what makes a person strong. God's Word tells us it is the trials that should draw us closer to Him. "In your weakness, I am strong." We can read of Daniel and Joseph, who had numerous "supposed to be's," yet they found their strength in God. Their faith remained strong, and they moved forward. The more they depended upon God, the more God gave them the strength and grace to keep going.
My prayer is that I would find my strength in the God who loves me and keep moving forward. I have six children who need me to keep going. Sure, the "supposed to be's" hurt. Sure, living without Todd is a horrible nightmare. But the reality of all of this shows me the need to fall into the Arms of God and beg Him for the strength and grace to keep going.
Another day tomorrow. One day at a time. Keep going.
