How long does it hurt?

I remember when I first heard from the doctors that Todd was going to die. I remember that sick feeling in my stomach. I remember watching Todd suffer from the cancer, feeling helpless and desperate to make him feel better, and that sick feeling in my stomach again. But the worst feeling was when I found out that he was gone. Everything hurt. I had to either be held up by hugs or seated, because the world was spinning around me. I felt lost and suddenly alone.

28 months later and I sit here still in pain, missing Todd so very much, and feeling lost and lonely in this big world. People have said that "Time heals the pain," yet I wonder if the pain now is the same, or even greater, than it was twenty-eight months ago.

As I watch our children grow older, as the birthdays come and go, as the holidays pass, as the seasons change, my heart aches for Todd and the pain comes in waves, over and over and over again.

So I ask, how long does it hurt? Will life ever be happy again?

I love this song. I thank God and am reminded when I hear this song that I am truly blessed at having known Todd.