Family Reunions

Today I took all our kids to my Grandmother's 96th birthday "party." I never was a big fan of family reunions...seeing aunts and uncles and cousins who we normally only see on these special occasions, once a year or once every 5 years or so. Todd, on the other hand, loved them. He loved talking with family, catching up, and hearing their stories over and over again from years gone by. He would make the kids listen to the stories, telling them how much they could learn, let alone the sheer entertainment of how my Grandmother would discipline my aunts and uncles, who all are grandparents themselves, many years ago (before there was television, car, or video game privileges to be taken away). Todd would find ways to get us up to the old farm where my Grandmother and uncle live, just to visit for an afternoon. Going back there today was bittersweet. I love my Uncle Andy. I love my Grandmother. But somehow being there without Todd was not fun. It was like an unspoken thought from everyone behind their smiles: "We sure miss Todd." One of my cousins was there who recently lost her husband, John. Todd and John would always be talking and joking together at these gatherings. As I talked with my cousin, we were both holding back tears. Even though we didn't say it verbally, we both missed our men. I could hear them laughing and joking. It was surreal.

Life will never be as it was when Todd was here. He was so much a part of so many lives. I feel lost again tonight. I miss him.

Yet once again I am reminded of God's promises, that He will never leave us or forsake us. I'm thankful for His tender care and for His love for us. I miss Todd so very much, yet I am thankful for his love for me and for so many. The words to that song come to mind again: "...I probably wouldn't be this way, I probably wouldn't hurt so bad...God gave me a moment's grace, cuz if I never saw your face...I probably wouldn't be this way..."

Thank you God for Todd.