A long weekend

It's been awhile since I've been able to think of anything good to write, or have even felt like writing. However, I am thanking God tonight for my family and for Todd. Our kids are growing so fast, but I am so proud of every one of them. Lately Toby keeps saying, "Let's talk about Daddy." We cry together, but mostly we laugh, and then we talk about who will kiss and hug him first in heaven.

Yet as we talk about heaven one day, I am always reminded that our first and foremost joy will be in seeing our Savior. I have a feeling (especially after our pastor's messages lately) that I (and all of us) will be flat on our faces before Him. But what an awesome time that will be! To be in His presence, to see Him, to talk with Him... wow. For me, I have the added blessing of being reunited with the love of my life, too. To stand (or be face down) next to Todd in heaven....wow again. Sometimes I think I am bit too anxious. The older kids get nervous when I talk with any passion about it. One time when I was driving and noticing the beautiful sunset and brilliant colors in the sky, I asked all the kids if they knew for sure they were on their way to heaven (thinking about Christ's return one day in the clouds). I asked about how, when, and their assurance of salvation. As the van grew quiet, Abe (sitting next to me in the passenger's seat) softly asked, "Mom, why did you ask us that?" I tried to explain, and he said, "Bad timing, Mom. Not when you're driving down the highway at 60 mph with a van load of kids!" oops

This weekend was a long and difficult one. I don't know if I ever wrote about the Fourth of July. That was when Todd proposed to me. I'll always remember the day we spent together on the beach, eating on the boardwalk, watching the kites in the field, and finally the fireworks. During the grand finale, with all the explosions and excitement and music, Todd got down on one knee and tried to get my attention. Admittingly I was annoyed. He was missing the best part and trying to get me to miss it as well! When I glanced down, I nearly fainted. He was holding a ring and saying something I couldn't hear. Later I found out he had been rehearsing a speech for weeks, poor guy. He says I never said yes, but I never heard him ask! We stopped at a little restaurant on the way home, and I showed everyone in the place my ring. I remember looking at it all the way home from the shore, snuggled under his right arm, feeling like nothing could ever be better than how I felt that night.

Then Sunday was another 6th, marking 38 months living without Todd. It's been a long, difficult, and lonely weekend, but one where God felt close. I am so thankful for a God I can trust with my whole being: my life, my emotions, my salvation. God is good. He is the only One sustaining me, the only way through these dark days. I can't wait to see Him and to be with Him (and Todd!) for eternity. One day...