Todd loved the fall. To him it was the beauty and magnificance of God's creation, reminding him daily of God's love and power joined in force to bring awe to his heart. It also marked the beginning of all the special holidays for him....Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter. These he held dear, each having a special meaning and celebration for the great things his God had done in his life and for his family.
So when the pumpkins started appearing, Todd would be certain to help us find the "perfect" ones to decorate our home. As our family began to grow, we allowed the children to each pick a pumpkin as well.
Todd would spend hours arranging and organizing the pumpkins, cornstalks, hay bales, and corn to make our home the most attractive in the neighborhood. October 1st became a much anticipated day for pumpkin hunting for our family. Todd made this so much fun, as he would need to "inspect" each chosen pumpkin. The children always tried to find the best ones.
Our first October 1st without Todd, the children begged me to purchase the biggest pumpkin at the store on display for Daddy. That was fun lugging home, but we did it. Last year we stayed more low-key, and the boys decorated "just like Dad did." So here we are again, another October 1st. The children are excited. I thought each year things would get easier. The void left is even bigger this year. I'm "feeling" more, so every time I see the pumpkins, hear the leaves crunch, watch the trees changing colors, I ache for Todd's presence, for Todd's touch, for Todd's voice to remind us what an awesome God we have and the tears just flow. I miss him more as the changing seasons come. The chill in the air only serves to remind me of the coldness left in my heart and soul when Todd went to heaven.
I pray for God's strength. I need God's strength. I need to feel His love. As the seasons change....God, please help me.
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