No more letters

I can't. I was sitting here thinking of what I would write to Todd, but there are so many things that I just can't put into a blog. If I could truly write to Todd, the letters could not possibly be posted.....so much to tell him, so much to share, so personal, so boring for anyone who doesn't understand.

I suppose the best I can do is write here the tales of my children, and unfortunately that may mean the inclusion of some great heartache and pain as I continue to try to raise these children without their Daddy and my best friend.

The last few days have been filled with conversations about Daddy and things he had done or said. I think it's because of the change in seasons and all that we did together as a family this time of year. We put our summer lawn things away: the swings, the porch furniture, the toys... "Daddy would always give us one last swing before he took the swings down." or "Daddy never put the chairs away without taking the cushions off first and putting them in a bag." ugh. I want to scream, "I'm not Daddy!" but I don't.

I was scrubbing the tub today, which used to be something Todd did for me all the time. I was tired, and I couldn't stop the tears, when Toby came behind me and asked what I was doing. I blurted out in frustration and exhaustion, "One of Daddy's jobs." She answered quickly in return, "But Daddy's in heaven, him can't do jobs." Her sweet answer to my complaint made me stop and thank God for Todd and for heaven. She is right; Todd can't do jobs here on earth, but he can praise His Savior and God continuously. He is enjoying our ultimate goal and hope in this life. He's finished his jobs on earth. He is so blessed. It makes me long for that day when we are all in heaven together praising our Lord and Savior, and the jobs on earth are done! Oh, what a day. I pray for it to come soon.