Mourning to Joy....

"To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified." Isaiah 61:3

Toby's bestest friend is moving to CO this week, so to answer her many questions, we keep telling her that she will be with her Daddy who has a new job there. Now all she wants is to be with her Daddy. She keeps saying, "Why can't I be with my Daddy?" and things like, "Why can't I just die now?" She told me it was not fair that her friend could see her Daddy this week, but that she has to wait "forever." How do you answer such things? Well, I'm thankful for this verse. One day we will be re-united FOREVER, and our mourning will be turned to JOY! Can't wait for heaven....just sayin'...

Moment by Moment

Or day by day....this song is what I must keep singing over and over and over again...

Day by day, and with each passing moment,
Strength I find, to meet my trials here;
Trusting in my Father’s wise bestowment,
I’ve no cause for worry or for fear.
He Whose heart is kind beyond all measure
Gives unto each day what He deems best—
Lovingly, its part of pain and pleasure,
Mingling toil with peace and rest.

Every day, the Lord Himself is near me
With a special mercy for each hour;
All my cares He fain would bear, and cheer me,
He Whose Name is Counselor and Power;
The protection of His child and treasure
Is a charge that on Himself He laid;
“As thy days, thy strength shall be in measure,”
This the pledge to me He made.

Help me then in every tribulation
So to trust Thy promises, O Lord,
That I lose not faith’s sweet consolation
Offered me within Thy holy Word.
Help me, Lord, when toil and trouble meeting,
Ever to take, as from a father’s hand,
One by one, the days, the moments fleeting,
Till I reach the promised land.

Going It Alone

I haven't really been able to find the words to write for quite some time; however, I was blessed in reading what someone else wrote, so I thought I would post it here.

Going It Alone

I hope you get a blessing from this as I did.

Living in Reality

This past Saturday would have been our 22nd wedding anniversary. This was my 5th anniversary celebrating alone. It's difficult to live in the reality that I will never again celebrate that day with Todd here on this earth. It's difficult to live in the reality knowing I will never see or hear or touch Todd again on this earth.

This anniversary was extra difficult. I spent last week helping a friend take her son to the hospital for surgery on his foot, waiting there with her, and then taking him home the next day (supposed to be a one-day procedure, but due to complications, he had to spend the night). The memories of being with Todd before his major surgery, waiting, then visiting each day, came flooding back. They were not good memories. I found myself crying a lot, and feeling the pain of watching someone you love suffering without being able to help. It was one of the most difficult weeks since losing Todd.

I also realized what it was, however, to live in the reality of knowing I could lean on God, trust Him, and collapse in His Arms, fully trusting Him with every emotion, every hurt, and every difficult memory. I've heard those words countless times, "Trust in God" or "Lean on Him" and even, "God loves you," but I think I experienced close to the full reality of those words for the first time. I don't know that we could ever fully understand those words. We say them so nonchalantly, but have you ever, ever truly lived in that reality? It's an amazing feeling. I'm so happy to say that truly, like David said in Psalm 18:2 "The Lord is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower"

57 Months Ago Today...

It may sound like a long time ago to most people....5 years ago on May 6th, Todd went to heaven. Still feels like yesterday. One of the biggest snow storms we've had in awhile hit this weekend. I had trouble getting to sleep last night. I used to love the feeling with a big snow storm when everyone, including Todd, was home. It was a great feeling. It was a safe feeling. It was a warm feeling. I couldn't find that last night, or today. All the kids are here, safe and sound, but Todd is not. It's difficult to describe. Just really missing him today. I don't feel safe. I don't feel warm. I feel lost and very alone. Even my rose bush is covered in this snow! I'd do anything for a rose from Todd today, or better yet a hug from Todd!

I keep thanking God that He promised He will never leave nor forsake me. I'm so thankful for Him. "Gotta keep singing..."

Winter is now 11 years old!

Our last birthday celebration for Winter with Daddy was when she turned six years old.



It's hard to believe she turned 11 last week. Birthday celebrations are still difficult without Dad, but this one was multiplied for several reasons. First, Winter is a very special kid, being born with infant acid reflux which caused sleep apnea, she would frequently turn blue and we never knew how long God would allow us to have her. (see Weathering Winter for more details) Todd went through those scary, long nights and difficult days, right beside me. He was the only one who understood how very precious each birthday celebration was with Winter. I felt lonely without him here with us.





Then, we decided to take Winter to ChuckECheese with her friend, and then to the archery club. These were two of Todd's favorite places to go. He loved taking the kids to Chuck E Cheese for bday celebrations. He also loved hanging out at the archery club watching Abe shoot for the club there. We went to both places.


Praise the Lord, the kids had a great time, and I made it successfully with minimal tears. Sure, we missed Todd very much, talked about him a lot, but God gave a peace and provided the strength I needed to have fun with the kids and even smile a bit.

I long to see Jesus face to face and to be reunited with my very much loved one. I pray the day is near, but until that I have to keep singing....have to keep praising His name!

Oh, and Happy Birthday to our precious Winter Hope!

Where was this song 5 years ago?

One of the dearest and most precious friends I have used to tell me in my darkest days when Todd was sick and in the days after he went to heaven, that I need to learn how to "climb up in God's Lap, and just rest, feeling His love..." She would also constantly be reminding me to keep praising God and keep praying, even when I didn't want to or feel like I could. I found the times when I would climb up in God's lap to be the most comforting and the most refreshing times of my life. It was a quiet place, a place close to Him, but where I was totally numb...I couldn't feel anything, just 'In His Lap!" ...what precious words.

Anyway, I never heard this song until my daughter asked for the Undone CD from Mercy Me. It brought back many memories, this time good ones, even when my heart was breaking and broken!



Thank you, God, for always being there. I love you so much!

I have some really GREAT kids!

I'm so proud of my kids....every single one of them! But my oldest four astound me with their wisdom and encouragement. I only would share my very deepest thoughts and feelings with Todd. It has been so difficult with no one to share these things with, and gradually I have been going to my older children for advice or their thoughts on some things that I was struggling with. Yesterday, after a sermon that was a bit confusing for me, my children told me this:

Mom, you used to tell us that Daddy was your rock and almost everything you did, you did for him, but when he died, God was showing you that God needed to be your Rock and one and only. Your entire foundation was broken when Daddy died, and now you are re-building that foundation. It takes time to build a new foundation, but you are, and you're doing well. Just keep making God your "new" foundation and make Him the center of everything. That way, you know you can't go wrong.

Coming from my children, this meant more to me than anything. I thank God for my kids. I praise Him for their wisdom. I pray that they, too, will make God their foundation in life. God will always be here. God will never leave. God is solid, like a Rock. God doesn't change. What better foundation could we have for our lives?

I love my kids.

Happy Birthday Jesus! Happy Birthday Daddy!

MERRY CHRISTMAS from the Radles.



(it's not easy to get six kids and a dog to cooperate for a picture...this is the best as it gets)

Parents are Coming! Parents are Coming!

Have to go to the airport and pick up some V.I.P.'s: My parents!

I feel like a little kid again. It all floods back. Suddenly I feel like Dad's in control again. I love my parents. Yet without Todd, well, I feel like a teenager again. Sometimes it's a good feeling; sometimes very bad. I hope it's a good feeling for this trip north for Christmas. Here we go... Countdown to leaving for airport for parents has begun!