August?

Hard to believe, but another school year is almost here. Toby will be starting 2nd grade, Winter will be starting 7th grade and is now in the youth group at church! and Tiff will be in 10th grade this year. It's hard to believe that we have three children who have graduated high school. That makes me feel very old, and makes me miss Todd even more. I still can't get through a day or even an hour, without thinking about him or what things would be like with him still here. There have been a lot of big decisions that have had to be made, there are a lot of changes in our family and home life, and at times I still spend hours crying and wanting to talk to Todd. How can a house, full of loud, active, crazy children (and adults!) be so lonely? I wonder about this often. There is still a big hole missing.

So now Trina is beginning college, and the two oldest are working full time. My older brother is coming to stay with us for awhile. My parents have been here for the "hurricane season" (they live in the Keys), but are planning on going back to the peace and quiet paradise they call home. But there is always something going on here, always busy, always loud, always a bit crazy. I guess that's what keeps me going.

Tonight when I was praying with our youngest she told me she wanted Daddy to come back down here. She does this every so often, but tonight took me off-guard. She is six, and so innocent and honest. She wants to give him a hug. She wants him to hold her. She wants him to read her books. She lost a tooth last week, and then pulled the one next to it out. I need to take an updated picture, but she keeps me smiling!

I can only end this post tonight by being thankful for my children. They are all wonderful and such a blessing to me, each in their own special way. I love my family. So I am trying to focus on all that God has given me today, not on all that I am missing. (it's not working...but I'm trying!) Looking at the clouds helps...

I can't get this song out of my head....I Sure Miss You, by Jason Crabb, probably because it sums things up pretty well.

If life could only bring again, the days I took for granted when
To hear your voice was just a call away
Oh what I'd give for just some time, to say the things that slipped my mind
There's so much now I'd really like to say
But I can never go back when we did the things we did back then
I'll store those precious memories in my mind
I'll take what you've instilled in me; I'll try to be all I can be
And walk the path that you have left behind

Chorus
I sure miss you; life will never be the same with you not here
Each passing day has brought much pain
But with God's grace my strength remains
I sure miss you, but heaven's sweeter with you there

The little things that seemed so small are now gold in a memory vault
I cherish every one I have of you
Now I can see and recognize the part you played to shape my life
I often see you in the things I do
In God's design and master plan He saw the hurting hearts of man
As we would say goodbye to those so dear
So with our family and friends we'll be together once again
We'll view all heaven's splendor hand in hand