Happy Birthday, Toby!

Toby turned SIX years old today. She had a great day, telling me tonight as she was getting ready for bed, "Today went flying! It was a great day!" Praise the Lord!



We started out with balloons, then tutoring at the library with her teacher where Toby got a "Happy Birthday, Biscuit" book, then making a birthday cake, then out to Chuck-E-Cheese, then home to open presents.



I think this was the best birthday celebration in 4 and a half years. We all enjoyed watching Toby today and trying to make her day special in every way. She even got a ride in Nathan's Jeep on the way home from Chuck-E-Cheese! It was fun to watch her older siblings take such great care of her. Even though we missed Daddy, we had fun. Even I was happy and rejoicing with Toby today. Todd and I shared her first 18 months of life, then I have been privileged to watch her grow over these years. Six precious years. Happy Birthday, Toby! I'm thanking God for our precious Toby Faith tonight, for these six years, and for being able to enjoy the day with her. God is good.

Lessons in Life

Today has been an extra difficult day. Lots of tears, more questions, wrestling with difficult memories, going through life and it's changes and problems without my partner....just a tough day all around.

This afternoon I received an email from a dear friend. Her and her precious family are going through difficulties of their own. They were in the process of adoption, when God led in a different direction, and after spending the first 8 months with this special baby, he was adopted by a friend of theirs, who left the church and cut off all ties with them. Their family is grieving the loss of what they thought was their son, to another caregiver. It's a tough time for the entire family.

With this painful news, my friend said God was teaching them a lot. She wrote these words, which I hope will be a blessing to all of you, as it has been to me this day and this evening:

that He is our comfort:
“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction . . . For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too.” (II Corinthians 1:3-5)

that He is our strength,
“And do not be grieved, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.” (Nehemiah 8:10b)

that He is powerful,
“I know that you can do all things, and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted.” (Job 42:1-2)

that He sees,
“But you do see, for you note mischief and vexation, that you may take it into your hands; to you the helpless commits himself; you have been the helper of the fatherless.” (Psalm 10:14)

that He is perfectly wise in what He is doing,
“This God – his way is perfect; the word of the Lord proves true; he is a shield for all those who take refuge in him. For who is God, but the Lord? And who is a rock, except our God? (Psalm 18:30-31)

that He is near,
“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:18)

that He has a purpose,
“I cry out to God Most High, to God who fulfills his purpose for me.” (Psalm 57:2)

that He is watching over Isaac when we cannot,(or in my case, my children, when I cannot)
“Father of the fatherless . . . is God in his holy habitation.” (Psalm 68:5)

that He is enough,
“Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. . . . For me it is good to be near God; I have made the Lord God my refuge, that I may tell of all your works.” (Psalm 73:25-26, 28)

that He is sovereign,
“Our God is in the heavens; he does all that he pleases.” (Psalm 115:3)

that He is always good,
“Ýou are good and do good; teach me your statutes.” (Psalm 119:68)

that He is gracious to teach us through this,
“He will surely be gracious to you at the sound of your cry. As soon as he hears it, he answers you. And though the Lord give you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, yet your Teacher will not hide himself anymore, but your eyes shall see your Teacher. And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, „This is the way, walk in it, . . .” (Isaiah 30:19-21)

that He is working,
“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good . . .” (Romans 8:28)

and that He will ultimately end the pain.
“He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning or crying or pain anymore . . .” (Revelation 21:4)

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I sure needed to read these Scripture verses today! Trying to rest in Him, putting my trust in Him, and ultimately learn these same lessons... Praise the Lord for godly friends who share their lessons in life!

My Rock

Psalm 18:2 says..."The Lord is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower."

Admittingly over the last 4 and almost half years without Todd in my life, I haven't felt very sure-footed. Every step, when I began even taking steps, felt as though I was stepping into thin air. I have learned, slowly, that even though I can't "feel" the solid Rock, it is there. So I begin to take more "steps." They feel squishy. I recently thought I felt something firm, but then this week again slipped off and could not feel the solidness that I knew was there. It's not a good feeling. It's actually a horrible feeling. I know what God's Word says. I know it is there. I need to take more steps, trusting my Father that the Rock will hold me. He's never failed before and never will. Go, Wendy, keep taking the steps, even though they feel squishy! (I need a "pep-talk" for myself today.)

Not as difficult a goodbye as I thought...

OK, so we are saying goodbye to Chauncey this Friday. Part of me feels relieved, and part of me is going to really miss this guy. I know when I doubt my decision to let another family adopt him, all I'll need to do is look at this picture. Lovable? ...yes. Destructive? ...very!

uncomfortable....out of comfort zone!

I had to have three teeth removed this week. I went to an oral surgeon and was under anesthesia for these (very infected and painful). So, I needed a driver. Asked my wonderful sister-in-law (thank you, Joy), but as wonderful as she is, she isn't Todd. Got home and couldn't stop sleeping, but when I finally woke up, there was no glass of water beside me, there was no one curled up next to me asking if I was ok or needed anything, there was no one asking if I was in pain....just unattended children and work to be done. Moms aren't allowed "down time," unless they have a Dad to step in. This has been a difficult week. It has been a lonely week. I'm so used to having Todd here, telling him all about my pain, having his compassion and care...now there is no one. Yes, God is here, but it's not the physical attention I am accustomed to. I long for the comfort, to hear someone ask how I'm doing, and wouldn't mind if I told them the truth. To care for the children, even the older ones. Just hurting tonight...

Busy Week!

Although it's been busy, we have seen many blessings from our good Father! We started school and even though it's been challenging, we are thanking God for a good start. Toby has been thanking God every night this week for her school, so that has to be good. Our oldest son is doing fantastic at his first "real" job. We are praising the Lord for his new responsibilities and how well he is handling them. Nathan finally was able to purchase the Jeep! What a blessing to see how God worked out every detail for him, and even more of a blessing to see Nathan experience and know God's love, care, and power! I'm a bit jealous, my first car was a 1963 Dodge Dart with a push button transmission (we had some great times in this car!).



Nathan got a 2006 red Jeep Wrangler Rubicon in excellent condition with low mileage. I'm thankful that he lets me drive it sometimes! I love it and can't wait to go off road with the top off!



Our first daughter turned 17 this week. I'm so proud of her, and I know Todd would be too. She's a senior this year, and has grown into a beautiful young lady.



My parents left for The Keys this week as well. I'm thankful that they have had safety so far, stopping to visit with friends, as far as Georgia. They have a way to go, but so far, so good.

A lot happening, but many blessings and much to be thankful for. God is so good to us.

September 6th

It sure doesn't feel like 52 months, but that's how long it will be since Todd went to heaven, tomorrow, the 6th of Sept. I'm thankful that it doesn't feel like 52 minutes, 52 hours, or even 52 days. It feels more like 52 weeks. I think that's progress, or at least I hope it is.

Our Katrina will be turning 17 on Tuesday. She'll be a senior this year. The two boys are both working full time this year. I'm so proud of all our children. They are all handling their lives with wisdom and great faith in God, their heavenly Father. They talk often of their Dad and the life-long lessons he gave them.

Yes, it's been 52 incredible months; however, I have decided to keep trusting in God, to keep praying for our children, and to keep thanking Father for working in our lives.

It's not easy living this "new" life, but I'm learning as long as we keep trusting Him, "It Will Be Worth It All!"

A Smile Through Tears!

Something strange happened to me in church tonight. I can't ever remember this feeling before. It was a mixture of great sadness, but incredible joy. ??? That's what I think, anyway.

Our missions team was giving a report and some of them began singing "I've Got A Mansion." Immediately when I heard the introduction, before the words were even sung, a sharp pain shot through my very being. I tried to look up and watch, but knew the tears would be flowing soon. Todd sang this song around the house all the time. I mean, he shouted it! It was one of his favorites, and he sang it with all his heart. Whenever he could, he would pick this song to lead the congregation at our church. Everyone knew it was dear to him...he would be smiling and singing, almost shouting, the words. Sometimes even he would get teary eyed as he sang the words, "I've got a mansion, just over the hilltop..."

So as the group began to sing, I got ready for tears and a tremendous ache in missing Todd yet again, for this has happened many times in the past four years. But tonight, as I closed my eyes and the tears came, I could picture Todd standing up there, smiling, and singing this song with them, and out of nowhere, out of the depths of the pain, came a smile! I smiled at the memory! Strange as it may sound, I felt a joy I can't express, despite the ache in my heart. They were together this time. Side by side. Pain and joy. How does God do that? Amazing.

I'm truly thankful for the tears and the smile tonight; it was a great feeling! I pray many more would come...

Laminin?

Got this in an email. Amazing. Love it. Hope you will watch and worship...

Laminin

sometimes memories still hurt

Some things can still catch me off-guard, and unexpected tears just seem to come from nowhere. Winter hurt her finger last week, and the doctor taped it in order to keep it protected and immobilized. He said she should have it taped for a week or two, and that if it came off, to just put more on, and he showed me how. As usual all I heard was "bum, bum, bum-bum-bum..." so when it came loose today, I was lost. Fortunately Winter said she remembered how to "buddy tape" as the doctor termed it. Thing is, I didn't have any of that kind of medical tape....or did I?

Trina and Nathan remembered "Dad's tape." We still had a box of medical supplies that NIH told us we could keep. Nice stuff...actually the best of the best coming from NIH! So, we're using "Dad's tape" tonight. It brings it all to the present again, so fresh, like it was yesterday when we were using those supplies.

I miss him. Hurting again, missing my love...